Little Zombie Tidbit.

wow. so i'm sane. want proof?

            I sometimes wondered why I survived. Why me, out of everyone in my town, was the one left standing. I could only think of one thing to answer that question. I was so unappealing to anyone, that even the bloodthirsty zombies didn’t want me.

            It’s amazing that ugliness ended up being my saving factor.

            And a bit depressing, considering I didn’t actually find myself half bad before now. Well, fuck that. If ugliness left me with more than an ounce of humanity left, then I’m pretty okay with it. I’d rather be an grotesque human than a gorgeous zombie.

            What constitutes a gorgeous zombie anyway? Blood and guts in just the right places?

            …

            You know you’ve been affected by this shit hole of a world when you start making jokes about those out to maim you. Well, not exactly maim, but maiming and devouring are pretty much the same thing right? No? Not even close? The way I see it, you die either way. At least one way doesn’t make you want to loose your lunch – or take a bullet to the head - as much as the other. ‘Cause everyone gets a bit suicidal when you just could be the last person left in this world.

            Okay, the last human that doesn’t have an intense affection for the taste of man brains.

            Braiiinnssssssssss…

            I guess George Romero had one thing right in Night of the Living Dead.

Weather. Books. Zombies.

by the time I get home, I may be able to actually wear all the shorts I bought. :)

but alas, I'm exagerating quite a bit. it's only thirteen degrees last i checked. =S is it sad that i'm... dare i say it, actually thinking i'll miss the cold sometimes? okay, more like i'll miss not getting weird looks when i wear devons hat but whatever.

it says a lot about you what you carry in your purse. for example, my friend keyana bring this tna purse to school with her everyday. honestly, sometimes we peek in it - she doesn't give a crap - and we can't not laugh because of how much junk she has in there. she has at least three full sized hand creams, a normal sized bath and body works spray, five fruit roll ups, tampons, tissues, her entire lunch, lip gloss, etc. i wonder why she even uses her knapsack when she just hauls her purse wherever she goes. technically, she only needs it for her math textbook.

and we just saw the lincoln lawyer. great - but insanely nerve fraying - movie. good job, mister matthew, good job.

then we went to barnes and noble where i found two promising books. one is by the same author as the book CANDOR which was actually ... *shivers* amazingly memorable. it's called DROUGHT and sounds interesting. the other was is sort of fluffy and looks a bit like an attempt at being a page turner but ... meh, i don't quite feel it'll reach it. who knows though, right?

and now i'm writing a story about Alice Evans, a sarcastic teenager caught in a zombie apocalypse. fun, right?

hey Y'ALL, whatta be?

kay. i'm done with that.

so today i found out at school that one of my dance teachers died. i wasn't really close to him but it still kind of made me sad. but like everything, it takes something really small to actually make me cry after i get sad. so basically, karys and i were lunch monitoring and this teacher who always yells at us pulled a spaz and stalked us through the school to yell at us and tell us what horrible young girls we were. so then when we were complaining to our teacher i had a mini emotional breakdown. fun, no? and that's when i cried about the whole dance teacher thing.

may he rest in peace.

then so tonight, sam irwin and i went to see 'i am number four'. she was a last resort but was secretly really fun to have around. i think the people beside us were ready to kill us though as we wouldn't shut up and stop laughing. at one part where the guy was getting beat up, i was almost crying i was laughing so hard. i made a few enemies because of that, me thinks. and during the movie, the guy had an iPhone so whenever it would go off i'd always look down at my phone. the funny thing was that sam would do the same. and can i just say, alex pettyfer makes me want to jump someone. seriously. he's THAT. HOT.  so yessums, i'm just going to go now.

OH HAI. new story plot with rauden + james. pirates. royal families. magical powers. all good, no? it's actually a really angsty thing though. i'm scared of my own mind sometimes. more details to come eventually. i'm determined to plan this through before i go and ruin it with my pacing issues and such. and i kind of want to go re-read blacklisted.

lindsay got me these sick bracelets from cuba and they jangle when i move. wowza, she's trying hard to get me to forgive her and it's getting harder and harder to resist.

so i'm gonna head out now. gotta rest up for some personal training and lawson working tomorrow.

ciao.

charlotte.

my throat hurts .

i wonder what kind of room mate i would be?

i'm guessing i'd be sort of in the middle of things, a bit stubborn perhaps? i mean, i'd want to talk and gab and stuff but i'd also need the room to be quiet so i could do my work. and iw ouldn't be afraid to set up some ground rules, though they'd all be reasonable. rules like ... no guys come home if i'm at the home. and just try and be considerate of loudnesssuch. and idk. :) just saying.

today was interesting. i was sick which sucked balls but what's a girl to do? i've been sick since monday when i didn't go to school and just lay huddled under my cozy brown blanket from chapters and read stuff. school was worse today than when i went tuesday which is weird. at one point i was walking around filing some thing when i stopped cause my head felt like it was about to fall off, forgot where i was for a moment, then continued. let's just say that dina, who was behind me, couldn't stop laughing at the look on my face. but i hung out with megan, josh, karys, alec, keyana, madison and jacob kang today so it was all cool.

i thought i was actually going to kill colin though. i was seriously worried that i would wake up tomorrow with blood seeping from my hands. he gave me back my peer editing sheet for the short story i wrote. and admittedly, i gave him cal and madi the bad copy cause it was the one on my email but it was still upsetting when he made up fucking corrections just to have some thing to put down and acted all condescending. he also denied that i could use 'stylism' in my writing. apparently, using different grammar than usual isn't allowed because i'm not at that age yet. WTF? but it's colin and he apologized when we were texting afterwards so i just sort of decided to forget it. still, i was seriously about to kill him over it. he may be one of my best friends but seriously?

i'm going to bed now. goodnight.

stressed spelled backwards is desserts .

me stomacho est killing me. =X i had to come home early from dance because of it. but now with some advil, lemon water and a bit of food, i'm feeling a bit better. i think i just need to sleep to be honest =S

blech. 4 days into the new year and i'm already filled up with home work. i have a french book report to say out loud in front of the class. and i have an evenements courrants thing do or some thing. then we have gifted next week. and we have extra math home work cause we're 'schausters'. then i have an english script i have to write, teach to actors in my class and present. but worst of all?

we have to write a short story for english tomorrow.

so whenever i groan about it or some thing people always look at it weird cause they know i love to write. the thing is i can only write when it hits me, i can never make myself write, and never when there's any one else near me. also, if i have a deadline, then my muses fly off to hawaii until it's passed. i've found out deadlines are like epidemics to muses, they run from them with every thing they've got. i was thinking of just giving in the story i wrote but i don't know. *sigh*

i just let my parents read my story, with a few changes of course, and i might hand it in eventually. i want to look over it again of course, and read it out loud a couple times to see if it flows and everything but i don't know. is it cheating? =X

and karys has a sick idea for a story that i'm jealous i didn't come up with. i'm SO excited to read it. = )

alright. one scene done on my english. plus the title page and the cast is 85 % done. i just need to confirm  2 people and get some more extras.

i'm going to go shower soon and then head to bed. tomorrow i'll print off my paper and just the casting sheet and see what's going on. but before i go to bed i might turn on my computer and open up some old stories that i'm thinking about transferring over to this computer for old times sake. i don't know but some of my newer ones from school last year aren't that bad.

:)

charlotte.

written on a whim .

                        Slide. Crash. Burn.

        

                  Some times the moments relives themselves. Without my consent. Without my permission. They just begin. I can be some where, minding my own, when I’ll get pulled into these memories and the next thing I know, I don’t even know where I am. The worst thing though, is that they’re not even my memories to relive.

         A man stands, his face contorted in blood.

         Flash.

         The tiny fists of a baby reach towards me.

         Flash.

         Laughter rings through my ears, a gun is held in my hands.

         And I know they’re real. If anything, by the sheer tidal wave of emotions that engulf me, drowning me in their cruel grasps. Yet, I know they’re not mine. For never have I felt such hatred as these memories bring forth in me.

         It’s become easier to think of them as creatures in themselves, entities that force themselves inside of me. If I imagine them like so, then the guilt can’t devour me as it used to, whenever the crying would stop and the face would go blank.

         The worse part? The fear that these things had actually occurred, that I had driven them from my mind myself and out of sheer terror had convinced myself of my genuine innocence to these happenings. Logic is never my friend when I’m scared like so. No, during these times of fright I can never remind myself the impossibility of them being real - as I could recall every moment that I was awake - the very thought of my guiltlessness extracted from my brain.

         The doctors say I’m not crazy, that I’m in here to protect myself.

         If I’m not crazy then why do I have these memories?

         If I’m not crazy then why is there padding on my walls?

         If I’m not crazy then I must be sane.

         But I’m not sane. No. I’m the farthest thing from it.

         You see, some times the moments relive themselves. Without my consent. Without my permission. They just begin. I can be some where, minding my own, when I’ll get pulled into these memories and the next thing I know, I don’t even know where I am. The worst thing though, is that the memory that is my own is the red sink as I washed the blood from my hands.

twentyfifth of december

ah. florida. how i love/loathe thee. 

hello everyone. my name is Charlotte Little, i'm a little canadian dancer/writer/photographer and my life seems to be forever in shambles. some one suggested to me once that i should keep a blog, keep all of my commentary down in one place so i can go back in ten years and realize how horrible i was. i decided i would... or at least try to stick with it because lord knows the effort i put into things.

it's christmas... but not actually as my family had christmas a week ago. all over facebook people are posting their new blackberry pins and phone numbers and i'm just sitting here and watching with a smile. laptops here, ipods there, phones all over the place and here i am! don't get me wrong, i have all of that. in fact, i'd die without my babies which i will now introduce to you all.

un. the one i really could not live without is my laptop. it's a macbook 13" named Sebastian. i got it around a year and 2 months ago. i've written two novels on it thus far (nanowrimo) and many stories as well as have much school work and photographs on it. really, if i'm not by sebastian for a long time i start going through withdrawal. it's not even facebook or twitter that i'm obsessed with, it's the writing on it and just... having my whole life in one spot. it's awesome. :)

deux. the new phone. i got it three weeks ago i think. it's an iPhone 4 and it's tentatively named the Titanic. it was obama for awhile but when my friend announced she was getting married to this president i had to switch it. i'm pretty in love with it to be honest. i'm not obsessed or anything seeing as i can't text for two weeks being in the u.s but i do feel bare without it. at home i carry it with me everywhere seeing as it's also my iPod and i live off music. mostly i use it for texting, email (for work and such) and music. though i'm on the internet a lot too.

trois. my camera. magnus. it's a Canon Rebel DSLR or some thing. i dont' know but it's proffessional and my dad got it for me half a year ago (for my birthday). like i said previously, i'm pretty in love with it. it used to be pulled out just for shoots i did but now it's my primary camera seeing as my poor little abused Canon point and shoot finally bit the bullet. i brought that little thing every where and now it won't turn on... ah well, i'm more than happy to get more use out of magnus. 

that's pretty much it. i got chapter twelve out of RTM, an ongoing story i have on with around 100 followers and 130 reviews last time i checked. :) i'm pretty proud of it but i'm working on getting myself a beta now so that i can have some one force me to write and get it done and so on which will start out being nice and soon will make me want to knock a gun into my head i'm guessing. i have one tentative beta lined up which is nice. 

for christmas i got a lot of small things seeing as my phone was sort of my main present, i just got it early. what i got here though is pretty epic, it's a new tri-pod for my camera! i've already used it bunches and i got it three hours ago. now i just need to buy myself a new point and shoot and voila! and i suppose getting out a chapter of RTM was another present to myself though i should get out 13 before i go back to school and things become harder. 8S. yep. sounds fun. i also have a one shot to publish if i ever hear back from the contest author that it's supposed to be under. i'm tempted to just put it under now anyways if it wasn't my first time posting for that fandom and i wasn't so worried about what people would think. ah. well. also i have a new story (not a real one) festering out with two new characters i'm demi proud of. Elodie and Dimitri. sound cool? mmm.

i think i'm going to publish said story now. sounds like a plan.

charlotte. 

p.s going to see a movie today for christmas, might post a review afterwards. might.