Where are you going? Your long face, pulling down. Don't hide away, like an ocean. You can't see, but you can smell and the sound of the waves crashin down.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

my throat hurts .

i wonder what kind of room mate i would be?

i'm guessing i'd be sort of in the middle of things, a bit stubborn perhaps? i mean, i'd want to talk and gab and stuff but i'd also need the room to be quiet so i could do my work. and iw ouldn't be afraid to set up some ground rules, though they'd all be reasonable. rules like ... no guys come home if i'm at the home. and just try and be considerate of loudnesssuch. and idk. :) just saying.

today was interesting. i was sick which sucked balls but what's a girl to do? i've been sick since monday when i didn't go to school and just lay huddled under my cozy brown blanket from chapters and read stuff. school was worse today than when i went tuesday which is weird. at one point i was walking around filing some thing when i stopped cause my head felt like it was about to fall off, forgot where i was for a moment, then continued. let's just say that dina, who was behind me, couldn't stop laughing at the look on my face. but i hung out with megan, josh, karys, alec, keyana, madison and jacob kang today so it was all cool.

i thought i was actually going to kill colin though. i was seriously worried that i would wake up tomorrow with blood seeping from my hands. he gave me back my peer editing sheet for the short story i wrote. and admittedly, i gave him cal and madi the bad copy cause it was the one on my email but it was still upsetting when he made up fucking corrections just to have some thing to put down and acted all condescending. he also denied that i could use 'stylism' in my writing. apparently, using different grammar than usual isn't allowed because i'm not at that age yet. WTF? but it's colin and he apologized when we were texting afterwards so i just sort of decided to forget it. still, i was seriously about to kill him over it. he may be one of my best friends but seriously?

i'm going to bed now. goodnight.

Monday, January 24, 2011

and we all fall down .

AW DAMN MAN.

i'm in a lot of pain right now. =/

i was in open ext. line and me, alysha and poffball were fooling around and i went and did a normal kick, just as i always do. so then my supporting leg literally slipped underneath, flew into the air and i landed - as stiff as a board - all in one on my left side. everyone gasped and stuff and i almost passed out cause the wind was knocked out of me and i felt like i couldn't breathe. so i start half laughing half crying and lay there, trying to figure out if i'm gonna go unconscious. so then my teachAH goes and isn't all 'hey, you alright?'. nah. instead she berates me for fooling around. WHAT THE FUCK? i mean, come on! so now i'm in pain.

not to mention that i didn't go to school this morning because, as i said to my dad when i woke up, i felt like my head was about to fall off. i'm better now but i actually thought i was about to die in the morning. now my head is a bit better but my nose is sniffly and stuffed up and bleh. =/

but imma go to bed now so ta-ta!

charlotte.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

stressed spelled backwards is desserts .

me stomacho est killing me. =X i had to come home early from dance because of it. but now with some advil, lemon water and a bit of food, i'm feeling a bit better. i think i just need to sleep to be honest =S

blech. 4 days into the new year and i'm already filled up with home work. i have a french book report to say out loud in front of the class. and i have an evenements courrants thing do or some thing. then we have gifted next week. and we have extra math home work cause we're 'schausters'. then i have an english script i have to write, teach to actors in my class and present. but worst of all?

we have to write a short story for english tomorrow.

so whenever i groan about it or some thing people always look at it weird cause they know i love to write. the thing is i can only write when it hits me, i can never make myself write, and never when there's any one else near me. also, if i have a deadline, then my muses fly off to hawaii until it's passed. i've found out deadlines are like epidemics to muses, they run from them with every thing they've got. i was thinking of just giving in the story i wrote but i don't know. *sigh*

i just let my parents read my story, with a few changes of course, and i might hand it in eventually. i want to look over it again of course, and read it out loud a couple times to see if it flows and everything but i don't know. is it cheating? =X

and karys has a sick idea for a story that i'm jealous i didn't come up with. i'm SO excited to read it. = )

alright. one scene done on my english. plus the title page and the cast is 85 % done. i just need to confirm  2 people and get some more extras.

i'm going to go shower soon and then head to bed. tomorrow i'll print off my paper and just the casting sheet and see what's going on. but before i go to bed i might turn on my computer and open up some old stories that i'm thinking about transferring over to this computer for old times sake. i don't know but some of my newer ones from school last year aren't that bad.

:)

charlotte.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

written on a whim .


                        Slide. Crash. Burn.
        
                  Some times the moments relives themselves. Without my consent. Without my permission. They just begin. I can be some where, minding my own, when I’ll get pulled into these memories and the next thing I know, I don’t even know where I am. The worst thing though, is that they’re not even my memories to relive.
         A man stands, his face contorted in blood.
         Flash.
         The tiny fists of a baby reach towards me.
         Flash.
         Laughter rings through my ears, a gun is held in my hands.
         And I know they’re real. If anything, by the sheer tidal wave of emotions that engulf me, drowning me in their cruel grasps. Yet, I know they’re not mine. For never have I felt such hatred as these memories bring forth in me.
         It’s become easier to think of them as creatures in themselves, entities that force themselves inside of me. If I imagine them like so, then the guilt can’t devour me as it used to, whenever the crying would stop and the face would go blank.
         The worse part? The fear that these things had actually occurred, that I had driven them from my mind myself and out of sheer terror had convinced myself of my genuine innocence to these happenings. Logic is never my friend when I’m scared like so. No, during these times of fright I can never remind myself the impossibility of them being real - as I could recall every moment that I was awake - the very thought of my guiltlessness extracted from my brain.
         The doctors say I’m not crazy, that I’m in here to protect myself.
         If I’m not crazy then why do I have these memories?
         If I’m not crazy then why is there padding on my walls?
         If I’m not crazy then I must be sane.
         But I’m not sane. No. I’m the farthest thing from it.
         You see, some times the moments relive themselves. Without my consent. Without my permission. They just begin. I can be some where, minding my own, when I’ll get pulled into these memories and the next thing I know, I don’t even know where I am. The worst thing though, is that the memory that is my own is the red sink as I washed the blood from my hands.

driving .

heyybitchess ! :)

mmm i am currently waiting for miss helena to get online so we can start rele playing ryan and rose once again. you see, a few years ago - i don't remember when exactly - when i had snuck onto a site i got banned from, we began this couple to write from. and this role playing isn't some kinky sex shit, nah, it's a writing excersize. hers is this sarcastic and smirky dude named ryan and mine is that tiny fireball named rose and we just sort of hit if off with those two. but we never got very far on them and decided today we'd reinstate them, better than ever! mmm this time though, rose is going to be a blonde music junkie who's living with her grandparents and works at a diner. <- decision i made just now but loving it.

i'm in the mood to go home, invite people over and just take pictures with my dslr. of course that's a little impossible considering we're about 18 hours away from our home. i miss home. i never thought i'd say that but i do. if i was home right now, karys would be over and we'd be spaced out on my floor or some thing, taking pictures and i miss that. maybe it's just the fact that i'm still waiting for helliebellie to get on so i can write but i'm sort of depressed. not to mention i'm sort of lowered in confidence some how or other. and i miss my friends. i miss jillian and, god, i miss lindsay though i still want to clock her for leaving. i miss karys and maddyy and miss megan and madison making me laugh till i cry. i miss connor and his 'i put my hands below yours, get it right' hugs and colin and his afro and i want to curl up and sleep but i'm in a friggin car for 18 more hours and i hate life. and now hellie apparently is too tired to talk with me. =/ now what am i going to do? homework? =/ i really should but i can't force myself to.

:)

charlotte.

second of december

i think i'm suffering from phone withdrawal. whenever i see photos of people texting i get all shaky and jealous. only 23 hours until i can text again! ... twenty three hours in a car. fuck.

mmm it's really awesome as of now because miss helena is online and we're talking! whenever she's online it makes me grin like an idiot. hellie's just the kind of girl you can say any thing to at all and, depending on what it is, she probably won't care. or she'll tackle you in glee or agitation. whenever i have an email from her i grin from ear to ear, that's how amazing my bestfriend tends to be. =]]]]

so last night my parents were very inconsiderate and kept their very very very loud friends here until 3:30 in the morning. this might be fine but i can't sleep ... at all ... if there's noise around me. if there's a bit then i can usually tune it out but it came to the point that when they walked in when it was over, i was sitting on my sisters bed (she had conked out on mine for the last three hours) writing and glaring at them. so i finally went to bed after that but i was still really pissed off at them. i mean, at least keep it down instead of yelling and shit? not to mention that they were drinking and going to drive home. they said they were just buzzed but i sort of have a no tolerance policy for that kind of thing. whatever though, it's not like my opinion matters to my parents.

well, at least my dads taking us to ghiradelli's to get a milk shake one time before we start our drive home. at least.

:)

charlotte.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

first of january III

kayso i really need to get my act together. i keep eating when i'm not hungry and messing up the date. grawr. i'm such an inner loser.

first of december II

okaysofirst, HARRY. POTTER. THEME. PARK. WAS. FRIKKIN. AMAZING. that'sall.

so on my little listey, i have durmstrang boys. so they had a bunch of the characters from schools and such walking around and conversing with people. so my sister and her friend were in a shop and i was waiting outside for them when this really hot durmstrang boy came up to me. so he was scowling like a true durmstrang boy and just came up and grunted to my back. so i was pretty annoyed already with my sister and friend taking so long so i sort of whipped around and glared at the dude all bitch-like. THEN he immediately stood up straighter and smiled and we had a mini conversation in which he told me i was supposedly the most powerful witch in all of the wizarding world, that i'd be brought up better if i went to durmstrang and he kissed my hand and strod off with a wink. it was the creepiest thing in all of eternity but also insanely sweet. :X

then we waited in line for 20 minutes to get into a wand demonstration at Ollivanders. so they let 24 people in or so and my sister, her friend and i all gathered into a corner. and dana had her camera up snapping pictures and when the door closes the 'wand - keeper / ollivander - fellow' immediately started on our way towards us. so i'm trying to look innocent and hiss at my sister to put her camera down when he points at me and goes 'you're here to get a wand'. so i nod like a dumb ass, he pulls another woman from the crowd and we go up to his desk. so then he starts jabbering on about wands and things when he pulls out two wands. i then had to whip my wand around and say 'accio ladder'. let's just say the shelves behind the ladder all went 'magically crazy'. :P the woman had a similar effect. and then the guy switched my wand and the other womans and they had wind come out of the floor and the inspirational harry potter music playing. so our wands essentially 'picked us'. :) it was pretty sweet. i have a reed wand of 15 inches with a dragon heartstring that's good in offensive magic and in his words 'very powerful indeed for such a short person'. so that was pretty cool.

and then there were the rides. it was more than an hour wait to get onto the big one that takes place in the castle in groups, so the three of us just went on as 'single riders' and got on in 20 minutes. while we were waiting there were the talking portraits and even the sorting hat. the actual ride though was AMAZING. it felt so real it made me sad. :( and quidditch? that was scary. though, you did get sprayed a bit by water.

the flight of the hippogriff was a kiddie coaster so it wasn't all that fun but it was fine.

the dragon challenge i'd already been on when it was in disney as just 'dueling dragons'. but now it was supposedly the hungarian horntail and the chinese fireball. at the top, because sarah and i were waiting for dana and my mother, i pretended to work there and people actually believed me and asked me questions about the park! xD then the real person who worked there showed up and kicked me out of my elite spot, but he was laughing. the red dragon was a lot bumpier than the other one.

BUTTERBEER. ohhhsooogooodd. it's like caramel and ice and sugar and just amazing. that's all i have to say either than i know why everyone loves it in the books.

oh and also, there was a post with a screen on it with the 'have you seen this wizard? sirius black?' posted onto it with a moving picture of sirius' mug shot. =D best. thing. of. life.

and they had all sorts of shops that you could and couldn't go into. there was a 'dervish and bangs' and a 'robe shop'. there were also a bunch you couldn't go into but you could look in the windows too. we did eat in the three broomsticks though! and we went into honeydukes and zonkos. i didn't buy any thing at zonkos but i did get a chocolate frog and bertie botts every flavored beans at honey dukes. yum! :)

when we left the park though and actually went to see the fireworks... it was pitiful! there was no countdown and only one firework went off! so we left... but then that one dude who was the singer in poison was playing a concert and started playing the 'iiii want to rock and roll all nighttttt, and party every day!' song and EVERYONE in the crowd as we left was singing it.

and these ladies when i was in quality quidditch supplies and paying for my quidditch shirt (potter :D) were all of a sudden talking and saying 'i want to go to canada, they're so nice' so then i showed them loonies and toonies and our colorful money and they were mesmerized. :X

but i'm now broke. shiat.

:)

charlotte.